Papa Don't Preach
by Aloh Dark
Summary: RD slash! Funny little story brought about at 3 in the morning. I probably have it rated to high... R&R Please!


Listening to your sisters cd's at three in the morning on school nights does funny things to you. This is one of the results of what it did to me. Hope Y'all enjoy it!! 

Thanks to November02 for being my lovely beta and putting up with my first draft mistakes!! Lol.. I couldn't spell Seamus. And thanks to all those fics (gwing, digimon, hp, weiss kruez… and the list goes on) that I stole the main idea of the fic from!! 

Disclaimer: J.K.R owns Harry Potter! If I did there would be a whole hell of a lot more of what's in this fic!! That and Banana's because we all can't live without Banana jokes. And this version of the song 'Papa Don't Preach' belongs to Kelly Osborne. I think… She sings this version anyway!!

Now, ENJOY!!! Ash said it was funny as hell so you should read it!! I give you cookie? 

Warning: OOC-ness up the Whazoo!! 

Papa Don't Preach By Aloh Dark 

"It's a new tradition waiting to happen." Seamus said to Dean.

"What is?" Harry asked. 

"You mean you haven't heard?" Dean asked.

"About what?"

"The talent show!"

"Oh that." Harry waved it off. "I heard about it. What's the big deal?"

"It's going to start a tradition. 'The Sixth Year Talent Show.' It's a hit waiting to happen." Seamus said.

"Ron's going to be in it and he won't let anyone know what he's doing."

"Really? He didn't tell me." Harry said. He was a little upset that he hadn't been told.

"Yeah. You're coming right?" Dean asked.

"Sure. When is it?" Harry asked.

"Friday." Seamus answered.

"I'll be there."

~~*~~

"This is going to be great!" Ron said excitedly to the boy standing behind him.

He laughed and smirked at the red head. "I'll take your word for it. I'm just glad you're the one in drag. My manly figure wouldn't do well in a dress."

Ron laughed and threw his dress at Draco. "Shut up you! I'm not the one who has to perform a growth spell on himself for the performance."

"You sure this is the best way to come out to the school?" Draco asked.

Ron laughed. "Well if they hadn't believed us the day we got detention for snoggin' on the Quidditch field, me in drag will."

"I still can't believe you talked me into this." Draco said with a grin as he took Ron in his arms.

"You'll love this."

~~*~~ Friday Night-

The school cheered the Ravenclaw trio off the stage. Ginny walked onto the stage and cheered with them. 

"That was 'The Twisted Sisters!'" She yelled with a huge grin. "And up next and out last is an unlikely duo who wish to remain ambiguous until later." She said with a grin. She walked off the stage to a confused audience. As she passed Ron and Draco she wished the boys 'good luck'.

The poppy drum solo started out their song. Then the guitar.

"Papa, I know you're gonna be upset." Ron lip sang as he walked out. "Cause I was always your little girl. But you should know by now I'm not a baby."

His hair was magically extended and up in a pony tail on the top of his head that still managed to get half way down his back. He wore bright baby blue lipstick and his eyes were shadowed hunter green. His dress matched his eye[-]shadow was off the shoulder and had sleeves that were tight on his arms to the elbows but then fell away half way to the floor. It curved over fake breast and was tightened around his waist by a wide bright blue belt the same shade and glossiness as his lip stick. It was cut short[,] mid thigh. He wore blue go-go boots that had three inch heals. He had thick circle bangles around his wrist and his ears held earrings of gold that hung nearly to his shoulders. His nails were long and alternated colors.

"You always taught me right from wrong. I need your help daddy, please be strong. I may be young at heart but I know what I'm saying." He sang while walking with his legs kicking up behind him. 

"The one you warned all about. The one you said I could do without. We're in an awful mess and I don't mean maybe. Please."

He turned to the side and started to do the monkey in rhythm to the music. "Papa don't preach! I'm in trouble deep." He slowly squatted down as he sang this and started to come back up. "Papa don't preach! I've been losing sleep." He turned and faced the audience. He put his hands over his head and moved his shoulders back and forth. "But I made up my mind. I'm keeping my baby! Oh oh. I'm gonna keep my baby. Ooo." 

He turned to the side and walked to where Draco had come to stand without anyone noticing. Draco was in a pin-stripped old fashioned suit. His hair was slicked back as always but dyed black for the event. He had a growth charm on him for the hour that made him a good head taller than Ron. He was dashingly handsome. 

Every girls dream.

He put his hand on Draco's chest and started to walk backwards, Draco followed and never let Ron's hand move off. "He said that he's going to marry me. And we can raise a little family. Maybe we'll be alright. It's a sacrifice." He turned and kicked his leg behind him and walked away from Draco. "But my friends say I should give it up. Saying I'm still young, I oughta live it up. What I need right now is some good Advice. Please."

Ron turned sharply back to face Draco. They both started to do the monkey together. "Papa don't preach! I'm in trouble deep. Papa don't preach! I've been losing sleep. But I've made up my mind. I'm keeping my baby. Ohh. I'm gonna keep my baby. Ooo."

A guitar solo starts up and Ron faces the audience. Draco walks up behind him. "Daddy, daddy, if you could only see. Just how good he's been treating me. You'd give us your blessing right now because we are in love." 

With that Ron kicks his leg out and falls back into Draco's arms. "We are in love." Draco catches him and throws him back. Ron turns and grabs his hands. They move theirs arms as if doing the monkey together. "So Please! Papa don't preach! I'm in trouble deep! Papa don't preach! I've been losing sleep! But I made up my mind." Ron spins so Draco's arms are around him and they move side to side together. "I'm keeping my baby. Oh Oh. I'm gonna keep my baby Ooo."

Ron spins out and faces Draco. They mirror each other as they put their hands into peace signs then put them to their faces and pull their arms back. Their heads bouncing to the music. They turn back to back and start to monkey.

"Don't stop loving me Daddy. I know I'm keeping my baby. Don't stop loving me Daddy. I know I'm keeping my baby." They stop and Draco walks off with a swagger and snapping his fingers. He stops a few feet before the curtain. Ron walks up to the front of the stage. "PFFT!" He imitates with sticking out his tongue and blowing a raspberry . Then turns and kicks his leg out behind him before bounce walking to Draco. He grabs Draco's arm and they walk off arm in arm.

The crowd starts to cheer as loud as possible. Their yells and clapping shook the dust off the ceiling. That was the best they'd ever seen and absolutely hilarious. It was definitely the best of the evening. It was the sort of thing that would be talked about for ages to come. And it was the event that would make the talent show a tradition.

Ginny came back out with a huge grin on her face and laughter in her eyes and voice. "Give a huge hand to Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy in Papa Don't Preach!" She yelled over the din. If possible, the cheering got louder as they realized that their suspicions were correct.

"I can see why he wouldn't let anyone know what he was doing." Harry yelled at Dean as he clapped.

Dean laughed and then screamed louder.

"You, my lovely, were excellent! You moved like you never did in practice!" Draco complimented as they walked into the abandoned classroom that served as their dressing room.

"Thanks!" Ron cooed. He stood on tiptoe and kissed Draco. "You weren't so bad yourself, Handsome."

Draco laughed. "I think I like having to look down at you."

Ron poked him. "Don't get used to it! You're shrinking soon and you'll be back to your rightful size!"

"Damn." Draco said causing Ron to laugh as he walked away.

"You know, I'm gonna have to cross dress more often. I loved this!"

Draco laughed. "Yeah. Become a cross-dresser and I'll take you home to meet Mother."

Ron laughed as well. "I can see it now! 'Mother. This is my boyfriend. He's a cross-dresser.' 'So I noticed.'" Ron said, imitation Draco's and Narcissa's voices.

Draco chuckled and smiled. "Exactly. But for now, we have to get to the after party."

"There's an after party?" Ron asked.

"Yeah. With the whole school." Draco said.

Ron groaned as he picked up his wand. He reinforced the charm on his hair and the charm on his body to make him more feminine. He then turned to Draco who then reinforced his own charms. He then set his wand back down. "Ready, baby?" He asked.

"Yeah. Let's go."

Ron started to get up but then sat back down. "Wait! I have to redo my make up!" Ron picked up his wand and the paper of instructions from Ginny about how to magically apply make up. He followed it and his make up fixed itself. "Okay. Now I'm ready." Ron said while standing. He walked to Draco by the door and took a hold of his arm.

"Let's go kick 'em dead!" Draco said as he guided Ron out of the room.

Ron and Draco entered the Great Hall again and were greeted by loud music and partying students. The stage had been replaced by a few rows of food and drinks. They avoided these tables and joined the dancing. Pretty soon they were hauled to the side by Harry, Seamus, Dean and Hermione.

"Um.. Hi?" Ron said.

"That was soo wicked!" Dean said with a huge smile. "The best of the lot!"

"I didn't know you had it in you! Bloody good!" Seamus said with another huge smile.

"Why didn't you tell me about this? I had to find out from Seamus and Dean." Harry said.

Ron looked at Hermione expectantly. The others had their say. "You look good in drag." She said.

Ron broke out into a smirk and chuckled. He poked Draco's side. "I told you I should be a cross-dresser!"

"Your mother would be proud to have two girls in the family." Draco said with a grin.

Ginny walked up to them then but missed the comment that had all them in hysterics. 

"I didn't know you two could dance." She commented. "I thought you'd bring the whole thing to it's knees!"

"They did!" Hermione said. "Only in the way we didn't expect."

Ron smiled at his sister. "See, mom taught us all the dances she did when she was a teen and the stuff paid off."

"Why? Because it turned my brother into a go-go girl?" Ginny teased.

"Shut up you." Ron said. "No, because it brought the school to Draco's favorite position." Draco gave Ron a queer look as did the rest.

"On it's knees of course." Ron said with a twinkle in his eyes.

Harry, Ginny, Seamus, Dean and Hermione all started saying variations of "way too much information." Draco looked shocked for a moment before he became angry. "RONALD!" He yelled.

Ron winked at them before turning and pulling the angry Draco onto the dance floor.


End file.
